“The aged women...that they may teach the young women...to love their husbands” (Titus 2:3–4, KJV).

Over the years, I have received wise counsel from my godly parents (married 54 years) and from Christian friends who practice what they preach. I’ve also gleaned nuggets of truth from sermons on marriage and the home. This advice is for WIVES ONLY and does not address the husband’s role or responsibilities. An ideal marriage is where BOTH husband and wife are doing their part to adapt and make the marriage work.

WHEN IN CRISIS...

Get above the circumstances of the moment.

Never act or speak in the heat of emotion. When you calm down, the Holy Spirit will speak to you.

Remember that at one time you felt your spouse was the best choice of mate for you.

It takes a lifetime to work out the problems in a marriage. It’s not over until life is over.

Every marriage goes through its really hard times. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage.

Each person has areas of weakness, but you can only change yourself—not the other person. LEAVE THE CHANGING OF YOUR PARTNER TO GOD.

Marriage is a spiritual training program designed by God. It takes His strength and love to live out a lifetime with another fallen human being.

No one can fulfill the deepest needs of your heart—only Jesus can satisfy your soul. Putting that burden on another human being will lead to disappointment.

When there is friction or disagreement between you, say little or no words, but do many loving deeds. Your actions will communicate love, commitment, and forgiveness.

Don’t instruct your husband on anything. This makes him think of you as a mother-figure, which by nature he must break away from. It kills romantic feelings toward you.

A man will stay on guard if he thinks you are going to bring up problems. Create a secure emotional climate at home so that your husband will feel it is safe to talk to you about things.

Don’t put all your “emotional eggs” in the marriage basket. It puts too much stress on the other person, and you go to pieces if they disappoint you. DON’T MAKE EACH OTHER THE FOCUS. The Lord is your focus.

Let your spouse think independently of you.

Women think things are going well in a relationship when they are talking about it. Men think things are going bad when you have to talk about it.

Keep your marriage relationship “in the Lord,” just as you try to keep a good testimony outside of the home. Stay close to the Lord in the matter of your marriage. Get on your knees or on your face before the Lord and tell Him all about it.

Don’t let Satan’s lies get into your thinking. BE ON GUARD AGAINST NEGATIVE THOUGHTS ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND. Take any such thoughts to the Lord at once and release them.

Love deeper at home than anywhere else.

Give yourself room to be human and make mistakes, just as you do for others. Allow your husband to be human also.

Confess resentment and bitterness as sin. They are in the same list of scripture as drunkenness, adultery, witchcraft, etc. Sins of the emotions may be hidden to others, but they can destroy you from the inside out.

Think before speaking. Never let your tongue run loose.

Men crave respect. Women crave love. If you want love, give respect.

An unsaved husband and a carnal, saved husband act the same way. Don’t envy other people’s marriages. You don’t know the whole story.

Beware of the counsel of the unsaved. They are generally wrong, even though it may sound logical and right at the time. If acted upon, it can ruin your effectiveness for the Lord.

You don’t have to be a doormat. It’s okay to tell your husband what’s bothering you ONCE, maybe twice, but try not to mention it after that. He knows how you feel, and anything you say after that will seem like nagging.

The enemy isn’t your husband but the devil. We don’t wrestle against flesh and blood, but against evil spiritual forces.

Be happy in the Lord by yourself.

This is NOT DEPENDENT upon what is going on around you.

No two marriages are the same. What works for one couple may cause strife for another. Battle (if necessary) through the rough times, hold on in the tough times, and be happy during the good times!

NOTE: This advice may not apply if there is pornography, substance abuse, adultery, addictions, mental illness, domestic violence, or mental, emotional, or physical cruelty in a marriage caused by the husband. Husbands are to LOVE THEIR WIVES as Christ loved the Church, and wives are to RESPECT (honor) their husbands. If you are experiencing abuse, you have the right to protect yourself and your children. Tell your parents, pastor, counselor, family, friends—or even the police, if necessary. The women’s shelter in your area also has valuable information and assistance available.

Marriage (between a man and a woman) is of God. Build your relationship with your husband on the spark of affection that was between you at the beginning. Never forget that!

Dominie Soo Bush is a piano teacher and church musician in St. Augustine, Florida. She and her husband Don attend Community Bible Church. This article was excerpted from her booklet, “Marital Harmony,” at www.fms-help.com/marriage.htm.